Kristin Marie & Anders.

We met in 2012. Already the first summer, we started talking about starting a family together. This was something we both wanted, and we thought that the sooner we started trying, the better. We knew this was not something that was always easy for everyone.

Two years passed, two years of constant disappointments. The hope that we built up together every month - and the grief every single time we had not gotten pregnant this time either.

After almost two years of testing, we had contacted the GP and obtained a referral to the IVF department at Haukeland Hospital. At Haukeland it was at this time approx. 12 months waiting list. It felt like an eternity.

A couple of weeks before we went to our appointment at Haukeland, we got to our great surprise and joy, suddenly a positive pregnancy test. I cried. I was so happy. In the middle of the intoxication of pleasure over the two lines on the pregnancy test, I called Haukeland and cancelled the appointment we had been waiting for so long. This was a big mistake. A few weeks later, we lost it, and the grief was greater than ever.

Time passed, we gathered new courage, and suddenly we saw a new positive pregnancy test on the sink… But this time it would not work out either. It was another disappointment.

Friends and acquaintances got pregnant, only by so much as looking at each other with loving eyes, it seemed. Every time I saw a pregnant belly, I got angry and bitter. I could not bear to be with pregnant friends. I shut them out; it got too sore. After a third pregnancy began and another miscarriage, we finally contacted Klinikk Hausken. This was after we had been referred to Haukeland again and again had ended up at the back of the seemingly endless queue.

Hausken had an appointment with us the following week. Finally, there was someone to help us. And finally, there was someone who could understand and was familiar with what wounds and bad situation we were in.

At Hausken we were greeted with kind, warm faces, hope and optimism. We started with examinations, blood tests and tests. No tests showed anything wrong with any of us. This was of course a relief, but it had not exactly turned out to be a simple matter anyway. We, therefore, started with our first IVF trial (short protocol).

It was tiring with all the syringes, tablets and the hormonal challenges that came with it. But this did not matter to us, for hope was restored, and at the end of this journey we were to finally have our deepest wish fulfilled - a child, our child.

In our first IVF attempt, we were finally left with three fertilised, perfect eggs, which everyone had divided as they should. One was inserted right away. The other two eggs were frozen.

We got pregnant on the first try, but when we came to take the ultrasound which was supposed to show a beating heart in week 8, we saw nothing… The small bleeding I had had earlier that week had been a miscarriage. The next attempt was with a frozen egg, also here we got a positive pregnancy test, but on ultrasound in week 8 it was gone again. The last egg of the IVF experiment was inserted, and on test day we got a positive test again. We no longer cheered as much; we held back and thought, we'll see…

At the ultrasound in week 8 you could see a lot, but palpitations were absent. We agreed to come back the following week for a new ultrasound if I had not started bleeding. Maybe we had checked a little too early?

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We came in the following week, no bleeding, but no beating heart either. A so-called "missed abortion" was found. I brought home tablets, the kind you get when you want to terminate a pregnancy early in the pregnancy. There were many tablets, and they were to expel the remains after pregnancy. I could not bear to take them right away. I was going to work on the weekend and was told that it was acceptable to wait a couple of days. I invited a friend to a wine and party as my roommate had travelled offshore. I was anxious about taking the medicine. What if they had seen wrong? What if I now removed a pregnancy and not just the remains of one…

I took the medicine. It was horribly painful, the worst menstruation I have ever had ten times, and I have had some real pain. The bleeding subsided after a couple of days, and I assumed that it would soon be over min. My friend stayed with me anyway. On the fourth day, I started bleeding again. I got nauseous, had to go to bed, could not lie down, could not sit. My friend had to build up with duvets and pillows behind my back in bed so that I with Paralgin forte on board, could get some rest during the night. In the morning I started to freeze. My fingers were blue-purple.

My friend had gone to work. I am a nurse and quickly realized that this was an infection and that I should get to the hospital. The problem was that I was freezing so much that I could not move. Eventually, I got the tub to take a couple of Paracetamol and some water. It had become afternoon. After an hour, I managed to move so much that I got the temperature. It was 39.9. I called the Women's Clinic directly, I took that liberty. They said, come in right away!

Quite dazed, I got in the car and drove up to the hospital. I could not bear the thought of getting on a bus and could not think far enough that I could take a taxi. I was given intravenous antibiotics and had surgery the same evening. It went well. The next day I felt much better, but tired and very, very sad. Luckily, Anders had just returned home from the platform and took a taxi directly to the hospital to pick me up. Now we needed a break. We were exhausted both physically and mentally.

Many months passed before we again had the strength to jump into new attempts. Yes, because now nothing was obvious anymore. We still had hope, although it also diminished. Anders was the eternal optimist. I had begun to wonder if it would ever go our way. But it was incredibly good to have such a confident and strong individual by my side. Without him, I would have given up here.

It was November, as far as I remember, when we contacted Hausken again. This time, IVF was planned with a long protocol. This meant a hormonal down-regulation with nasal spray in advance of a new follicle-stimulating (egg-producing) treatment. This treatment was a little heavier than last time, with some more side effects, you can say. Fortunately, Anders can handle a lot, because I was probably not quite easy to deal with in this phase. Nevertheless, the new method bore fruit. The body managed to produce more eggs of better size than last time. After fertilisation, this time, we were left with four eggs. One was inserted immediately, and the other three were frozen.

We eagerly awaited the test date, but I was no longer happy and expectant when we tested positive on the test day. I had learned to control these thoughts about the future that such a positive test often triggers in most people. We called and informed Hausken about a positive test result, as we had done a few times now. A couple of weeks went by, and I started bleeding again. It was a miscarriage.

I was not so sad this time. I had closed for the opportunity to do so. As it did not go as hard on me this time, we were soon ready to try again. At the beginning of January, we put in a freezing egg on a natural cycle. Positive test here too .. In week 8, I still had not started to bleed, and I remember thinking that I hoped I would not have to take the nasty tablets again because I did not precisely imagine that it would go well this time either.

We went as planned for an ultrasound at Hausken in week 8. I did not exactly have sky-high expectations, so when we to our dismay, saw a beating heart, we were completely put out. I cired. Could not fathom that this could be true. Everything looks good, they said. We sat in the car and drove home. I was a bit stunned. I do not think a word was said the whole trip home.

Time went so slowly the weeks after this; it went so incredibly slowly. New milestones were constantly reached, week 9. Week 10, week 12…. Was it safe now? No, I did not dare to celebrate yet. Every time I felt murmurs in my lower back or something else, I was convinced that it was, now it was over again… It was not.

In week 32 I sat with the midwife and talked, my stomach had grown big, and the little girl inside felt like she had her dance routine. Suddenly the midwife pulled my chair towards her, looked me strictly in the eyes and said: "Kristin, this time there will be a birth, and you will have a baby!" I answered somewhat reluctantly, okay… I still could not fully understand this, but I tried to be more positive, and I really wanted to be happy. I was looking forward to seeing and being with and taking care of this little girl, but it was so difficult to dare think about it.

Den tredje oktober 2016 kl. 2323, ni dager før termin, kom Sara til verden. Hun var selvfølgelig helt perfekt.

Now Sara is two and a half years old. She still dances and sings a lot, all the time. Our desire to have children was strong, but what we got was much bigger and better than we could ever have imagined. We will probably never be bored again, and we will probably not be properly rested again for a long, long time. But that's all right.

When Sara was one and a half years old, I had a miscarriage again, there was no planned pregnancy, but it made us decide to go straight to Hausken when we finally had to make a sibling attempt. We also had two eggs in the freezer there that we could use.

Unfortunately, the two freezing eggs did not survive the thawing process, which we were told was very unusual. But we acted quickly and started with new attempts in November 2018. This time we obviously hit the mark. We got pregnant on the first try, and it has gone well so far. So in approx. 16 weeks, Sara will be the big sister of a little girl. Sara and Anders are looking forward to it, I do too, but our history probably has shaken me a bit.

- Kristin Marie og Anders‍